There are full length feature films that won’t get half as much online chatter as the new 88-second Star Wars teaser has fostered in the last four days. It’s entirely understandable though: the thought of a new Star Wars film is as exciting as it is petrifying. We all it want it to be amazing so badly, but we’ve been burned by new hopes before. So it’s nice to argue and obsess over something smaller, something tangible and bite sized that we know we can handle. Essentially, we are the parent who spends weeks picking the right taps for the kitchen so that we don’t have to think about the fact that our kids might be arse holes.
But in the middle of all that mania, there was a man. His name was Jordan Breckon, and the moment he saw the teaser trailer he ran out and got this tattooed on his leg:
You’ll probably recognise this as the roller-ball droid featured in the teaser (I’d mention the number of seconds into the video it appears, but you already know that don’t you?). The likeness is pretty damn good, not to mention it’s kind of enormous. The choice of a ball shaped droid for this possible lapse of judgement is a perfect visualisation: whether you like it or not, Jordan Breckon has balls.
We talk a big game out here, but if we’re honest we don’t have the first idea what’s going to be coming in the next Star Wars film. We have ideas, sure we have ideas, big general plot points and the like, but we couldn’t storyboard a scene. We couldn’t give it a rating out of five. We couldn’t name more than three of the characters. That roller-ball droid could be anything. It could be a bad guy, it could be the disappointing comic relief. It could be a racist. It could be a racist. But Jordan Breckon doesn’t care. His balls are too big to care about that kind of minutia. He saw something awesome in the moment and paid a professional to draw it on his skin forever. I envy everything this man is and everything I will never be. I still can’t decide which avenger I want to be in my imagination!
When asked about his reaction to all this attention by Buzzfeed, Breckon said “Of course some people will hate and believe what I did is stupid, but that I already knew would happen as you cannot please everyone!”
We all want The Force Awakens to be awe-inspiring. We all want J.J. Abrams to do our childhood justice. We want it for ourselves. But now, I don’t want the film to be good for my sake. I want it to be good for Jordan Breckon’s.
…Seriously though, his mum’s gonna go ape-shit.